Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Those Days

Good news: I survived the first pediatric clinical.

Am I exhausted? Yes. So much so that I fell asleep in my car in Kroger's parking lot.

It's one of those days.

Friday, September 18, 2009


So I've actually had some productive days this week. I have one test down, finished a homework assignment, organized things for some students going to a nursing student convention, and am writing my second blog of the week.

But for some reason, I feel stationary. I know I'm getting things done, but there are so many things I want to be doing. Things I want to have in my life. Things I want my life to be.

Sometimes I feel like everyone's lives are moving on in any which direction, while I'm stuck idling. Just sitting. Waiting. There's no map or GPS to tell me where to go. There are exits right beside me, but I can't turn to get to them. Like I said, I'm stationary.

Part of me is comfortable being stationary. That means there's no change, and no change means there's no fear of what's changing. And change terrifies me, even if it is for the better.

But there's the other part of me that feels like I'm ready to move forward, at least in some way. Even if it's just puttering along; I want to feel like I have a direction. Who knows... I may end up completely regretting having ever said/thought/typed this, but for now, I can't help what I feel.

"I'm continually waiting for something better that never comes. Maybe it would help if I knew what I wanted."- author Megan McCafferty

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


So I haven't been able to update this blog as much as I had originally planned, but that's life for you. Especially life in nursing school!

Speaking of which, I'm in the middle of week three of semester three. I have my very first clinical (of the semester) Monday, and I'm kind of petrified. These are kids. Sick kids. From what it seems, they have so much more going on than what I've been used to on a typical floor. Feeding tubes, traction, etc. I'm just used to the basic IV and oxygen hook-ups. And that's a bit nerve-wrecking. Not only that, but I'm afraid of having a kid who doesn't like me. In the words of one of my favorite instructors, I'm not getting paid for whether or not my patient likes me. But these are kids, and it just seems more important that they like me than it did with my adult patients.

I'm also scared that I'm going to hate pediatric nursing. I've always considered this something I'd absolutely love... something I'd bank on as my future. But what if I hate it?

Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into this. That's what I get for late-night blogs made as an attempt to avoid studying.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

WHAT'S going to happen?!?

I was reading through my obstetrics/women's health assignment (42 more pages to go before Tuesday... ugh), and now pregnancy scares me. Growing things (besides children), vessels dilating, mucous plugs forming.

Adoption sounds nice.

Just saying.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Summer Nights, Driftin' Away

Cue John Travolta singing a very high, strung out "nights."

I realized something today (or technically, yesterday, seeing as I'm a night owl to an insane degree). It is/was (I'm going to refer to it in the present tense from now on to avoid confusion, and I don't consider a day "over" until I go to bed) my last day of summer vacation. Ever. At least, as I've known it for the past 21 years. Of course, there will be summer vacation trips, but instead of a multiple-month break, I'll be returning to a job after a few days spent enjoying a fantasy life. This is the last day of enjoying that for which every kid wishes, summer break.

It's so weird to think that this is my last summer break from school. Next May, instead of being so incredibly ecstatic (which doesn't actually even begin to cover the joy of a break from nursing school!) that I'll have a few months off, I'll be graduating and moving on to a job. A permanent staple. Never having to return to the days of homework and exams and grades.

Summer has always been my favorite season, full of fun and a general happiness and sense freedom in the air. This year, today not only symbolizes the end of a season, but a certain end to a chapter.

And to summarize using my familiar adage, in retrospect, it's a chapter that ended quite suddenly.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Put It Simply

It's kind of amazing how fast things can change. You can be having a pretty great day, and within an hour, end up crying your eyes out and wondering if there is somewhere you could go for the night to get away from everything.
I've been having a great last few days. Saturday was spent with most of my favorite people in the world, followed by a good birthday Sunday. Yesterday involved a wonderful afternoon spent with my best friends, just chatting on a patio until the sun went down.
Turn the clocks to twenty four hours later, and here I am writing a blog post about how I am huddled in my room and wondering why things go downhill so quickly.
I really don't want this blog to just turn into me whining everyday about the "horrors" in my life. But sometimes, I think the devil just really tries to throw rocks at the window that looks out over what seems to be a perfect landscape (either a beach on Hawaii or Disney World, in my vision at least). Sometimes he throws small ones after small ones, slowly cracking the glass until it shatters. Other times, he throws boulders that just obliterate the entire window into shards, which is what it feels like he did today. And to put it simply, it just really... sucks.

Monday, August 24, 2009

The 21st Year

Welcome to my blog, Quite Suddenly.
As I sit here typing this very first post, there are 12 minutes left of my twenty-first birthday. For some reason, I felt starting this blog on my birthday (even though it's quite late) would have some type of symbolic meaning in my life. New beginnings or something of the sort, I guess. I just felt it was the time to do it.
I'm not quite sure what the purpose of this blog is just yet. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I'm not supposed to know anything other than to start it on my birthday. The twenty-first birthday at that. For all I know, I may just chronicle my everyday life or my crafts or my goals or what I think the world would be like if cars ran on mashed potatoes.
What I do know is that I'm excited about starting on this venture. And maybe as I go along, I'll realize a purpose for this blog. Quite suddenly.