Those Days

Good news: I survived the first pediatric clinical.

Am I exhausted? Yes. So much so that I fell asleep in my car in Kroger's parking lot.

It's one of those days.

Stationary

So I've actually had some productive days this week. I have one test down, finished a homework assignment, organized things for some students going to a nursing student convention, and am writing my second blog of the week.

But for some reason, I feel stationary. I know I'm getting things done, but there are so many things I want to be doing. Things I want to have in my life. Things I want my life to be.

Sometimes I feel like everyone's lives are moving on in any which direction, while I'm stuck idling. Just sitting. Waiting. There's no map or GPS to tell me where to go. There are exits right beside me, but I can't turn to get to them. Like I said, I'm stationary.

Part of me is comfortable being stationary. That means there's no change, and no change means there's no fear of what's changing. And change terrifies me, even if it is for the better.

But there's the other part of me that feels like I'm ready to move forward, at least in some way. Even if it's just puttering along; I want to feel like I have a direction. Who knows... I may end up completely regretting having ever said/thought/typed this, but for now, I can't help what I feel.

"I'm continually waiting for something better that never comes. Maybe it would help if I knew what I wanted."- author Megan McCafferty

Late

So I haven't been able to update this blog as much as I had originally planned, but that's life for you. Especially life in nursing school!

Speaking of which, I'm in the middle of week three of semester three. I have my very first clinical (of the semester) Monday, and I'm kind of petrified. These are kids. Sick kids. From what it seems, they have so much more going on than what I've been used to on a typical floor. Feeding tubes, traction, etc. I'm just used to the basic IV and oxygen hook-ups. And that's a bit nerve-wrecking. Not only that, but I'm afraid of having a kid who doesn't like me. In the words of one of my favorite instructors, I'm not getting paid for whether or not my patient likes me. But these are kids, and it just seems more important that they like me than it did with my adult patients.

I'm also scared that I'm going to hate pediatric nursing. I've always considered this something I'd absolutely love... something I'd bank on as my future. But what if I hate it?

Maybe I'm just putting too much thought into this. That's what I get for late-night blogs made as an attempt to avoid studying.