Stationary

So I've actually had some productive days this week. I have one test down, finished a homework assignment, organized things for some students going to a nursing student convention, and am writing my second blog of the week.

But for some reason, I feel stationary. I know I'm getting things done, but there are so many things I want to be doing. Things I want to have in my life. Things I want my life to be.

Sometimes I feel like everyone's lives are moving on in any which direction, while I'm stuck idling. Just sitting. Waiting. There's no map or GPS to tell me where to go. There are exits right beside me, but I can't turn to get to them. Like I said, I'm stationary.

Part of me is comfortable being stationary. That means there's no change, and no change means there's no fear of what's changing. And change terrifies me, even if it is for the better.

But there's the other part of me that feels like I'm ready to move forward, at least in some way. Even if it's just puttering along; I want to feel like I have a direction. Who knows... I may end up completely regretting having ever said/thought/typed this, but for now, I can't help what I feel.

"I'm continually waiting for something better that never comes. Maybe it would help if I knew what I wanted."- author Megan McCafferty